Most of us, if asked, would deny that we have a ceiling for the amount of joy and happiness that we can receive. We think “Of course I can overflow with happiness and bask in every moment of it!” We even pursue it as some sort of prize, thinking once we claim it our life will be fixed, upgraded and transformed. Surely arriving at our GPS location of 123 Happiness Lane means that life will be easy. This is conveyed to us through movies, TV and seeing other people arrive at happiness, etc. The camera pans out after the happy person or couple achieves that ever elusive state of joy. We don’t see the minutes and hours later when life happens. When the husband says something cross to his wife “Are you really going to wear that?” or they receive a large bill in the mail for unexpected expenses or the dog escapes out of the back yard.
The truth happens behind the scenes. We sabotage ourselves (mostly unconsciously) because we all have a ceiling for how much joy we are comfortable feeling. You see, we’ve gotten really good with how to feel the lower vibrational energies of frustration, anger, sadness, disappointment and rejection. We’ve been so drowned in these energies they actually feel normal to us!
Our ceilings are created as we grow up. We start to develop an upper limit or capacity for feeling good. Because surely feeling good means that the other shoe will drop and sooner rather than later. Depending on the emotional stability and openness of our family of origin (you can think of this as a continuum from 0 to 10) we develop energetic set points that become a vibrational match to our environment and determine our capacity for all kinds of things including happiness and joy. These set points are deeply embedded in our subconscious and energy fields. Our set point for joy may be a 2 on the scale while frustration is at a 9. This translates into us feeling very comfortable with frustration but having a low capacity for joy. What does this look like in demonstration? I’ll share a real life example.
I recently shared a celebratory dinner with my fiancé after we co-created a step of our shared Vision. Him being a very private person I’m not authorized to share the exact step but let’s say it was very exciting! We are getting married soon and we manifested something together that is representative of our life together without the influence of what we created before we knew each other. It was just about the two of us.
Shortly after arriving at the restaurant he began to engage me about a discussion on abundance related to an audio I had him listen to. I try to share my spiritual journey with him so from time to time I give him a lecture to review from Spiritual teachers I respect. He had some thoughts about the discussion that he felt he needed to share with me at that exact moment. I found his energy off putting and combative. He asked pointed questions laced with fear and it completely threw me off. At first, I didn’t know what was happening until I could collect myself and connect the dots. He had just reached his capacity for joy! So like any person who wants to bring the energy down to a comfortable level of normalcy (which for him can be frustration) he created a disagreement to sabotage the situation and voila…like Humpty Dumpty, we both came crashing down.
Obviously there are a lot of problems with that situation and for me the landings can be quite rough. Even when I know consciously what is happening, it can take a lot of wherewithal to not shift into warrior energy as I attempt to collect myself. Something I’m still actively working on. The demonstration that evening of how set points for joy and happiness work confirmed for me why so many people struggle with increasing their capacity to find true fulfillment in life. And whether we know it or not, the same phenomenon works for abundance and prosperity. Yikes! So what can we do to shift this?
Awareness: Become aware of the situation and check in with yourself about your sudden shift to frustration or anger as a distraction to avoid feeling the POSITIVE emotions. You can also become aware of this playing out in another person. Word to the wise: don’t engage, simply observe. (like I said, I’m still working on that part. )
Breathe: Pause, collect yourself for a moment and take a deep breath. Allow oxygen, the nectar of life to wash over all of your cells as you quiet your mind and try to restore your emotional state to peace and harmony. Sit with presence for a minute.
Reframe: Reframe the experience with the new understanding you have about what is actually occurring. Say to yourself “I believe I have reached my capacity for Joy. I am in a state of observing and see how this is playing itself out. I would like to shift this experience and I accept that I am ready to do so.”
Reset: Find an emotion between the lower vibrational energy of frustration or anger and the high vibrational energy of joy. Mentally take yourself there on the continuum and gradually begin working your way to joy with your thoughts. If you need to imagine yourself doing something that brings you joy such as being at the beach or engaging in a sp
ort you love, do it. Personally I imagine the most adorable kitten in the world (come on, how can that NOT bring you joy!)
The truth is our subconscious mind and physical body can’t tell the difference between imagination and reality.
Over time you will strengthen your capacity to feel joy and happiness. Every time you call attention to the sabotaging moments, you increase your awareness and internal shifts occur. There is no time like the present to powerfully shift who you are being and what you want to create in your life. Need more assistance? Reach out to me at email@example.com.