The Justification Trap

I’m amazed at how Social Consciousness (which is a not a high level of consciousness mind you, but the behavior of imitation and preoccupation with what others think) has such a strong hold on us in our everyday lives.

With the popularity of social media and media in general, a lot of people have come to believe that it’s ok for them to run a constant verbal commentary on how you are living your life.  The narratives are often embedded with criticism and judgment which is what makes the situation different than someone who is trying to understand you.

Instead of simply accepting that you have your way of doing things and that may differ from how another would do it, people will often ask why you are doing what you are doing.  This can throw you into a response where you feel like you need to justify your behavior, the choices you have made or explain how you arrived at your decision.

I ran into this a lot when I first started working in the Akashic Records.  “You want to do what as a Business?”  People would stare at me blankly and then their judgment of the situation would come pouring forth. “How will you make money doing that? What if people think you’re weird? Wouldn’t it be better to get a traditional job?” And on and on.

If you have thought about venturing out into the healing arts, metaphysics, energy or intuitive work or already work in that arena, you have no doubt come across this as well.  As a society, we are so very limited about what we accept.  We don’t play in a world of possibility.  Additionally, we expect that others will stay inside the little predefined boxes that the greater majority has chosen to live and work in. When someone strays outside the lines, we can’t process HOW they arrived at their truth. “Wait, you want to be DIFFERENT?  How dare you!”

I also frequently encounter the unsolicited comments when it comes to my love of felines.  I had an elderly cat pass away earlier this spring.  Recently, I was feeling it was time to bring a little one into the family because I have two brothers who are younger and need a play companion. Inevitably, my love of cats seems to invoke responses in others despite the fact that I have a deep bond with animals, feel good about rescuing them and can adequately afford to give them a very nice life.  “Do you really need another cat? How many does this make for you?”

With the questioning we encounter from others, it can be very tempting to fall into the justification trap. The trap can look like many different responses in you including a need to share your reasoning, caring what others think and feelings of comparison and inferiority.

When we feel the need to share the reasoning behind our choices and behaviors, we are giving our power over to the person doing the interrogation.  This is very damaging to the person being questioned because it chips away at their sense of self and brings up additional questions around worth.  Our natural tendency is to question ourselves: Why did I made this decision? Did I do something wrong? What if they are right? They are judging me and now I’m judging me!

The truth is it’s not anyone else’s business why you are making the choices you are making! Your life is YOURS and a reflection of what you want to experience. As the powerful creator of your reality, you are using choice and consequence to sculpt your world.  You and you alone are responsible for what you create. Everything else (including other people’s commentary) is just noise that clutters what is real and true for you.

When we are solid in our sense of self and anchored in our truth, we don’t have to prove that our thoughts and feelings are valid.  We don’t need to answer to another person!

Reflect on how you are showing up.  Are you someone who comments to others without fully thinking through whether they want to hear your opinion or not? What about yourself are you uncomfortable with that you need to shift the focus to another and attempt to control their decision making?

Are you someone who has commentary coming your way that invokes thoughts of justification in you? How would building your sense of self and grounding your truth assist you with handling judgment from another?

When we can learn to broaden our acceptance of the uniqueness of others and stop trying to assimilate everyone into the energy of sameness, we can move forward in our evolution. 

Look around at our world…we are killing each other over differences of color, religion and sexual preference.  There is such a strong need for many to try and control how others think.

As my mother use to say all the time “Worry about YOU, not what everyone else is doing and I promise you’ll have your hands full.”   She was right, I do.

And while living my truth, I don’t plan to justify that to others.

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