Understanding Your Internal Conflict

Today I want to explore a curious dichotomy of life.

Most people seem to be so bored by what they know (jobs, relationships, daily routines) and at the same time are fearful of the unknown (life, change, what lies ahead).

We say we want change but just so long as nothing changes. (Or just so long as it changes in the exact way we want without our feeling a loss of control.)

We have this push pull internal conflict within ourselves. 

On one hand we have the evolution of life seeking expansion through us while simultaneously battling our ego’s need for safety, security and certainty.

We have one foot on the gas and one foot on the break so it’s no wonder we struggle!

We are bored and checked out and while our Soul’s cry out for change, we continue to shut it down.


Because we intuitively know that change can change everything and we don’t really trust ourselves to handle what will happen to us and we don’t trust life to work out in our favor.

We allow our fears to lead the way and our fear is that everything will fall apart and result in a giant f’g mess. We’ll end up poor and alone and even more lost and confused. We’ll find the bottom to the hole we are in and not know how to climb out of it.

This is the sad scenario we envision when our inner guidance whispers to us to do life differently.

So. We. Stay. Stuck.

What would happen if we trusted life to guide us on our journey? What would happen if we opened up to the Great Mystery?

The Great Mystery

When Lakota speak of the Great Mystery, they speak of Wakan Tanka, which is an encompassing life force energy existing in all things.

It is a cosmic fabric of Divine Intelligence that envelops all that is.

As Tony Fahkry, Self-Empowerment Author so eloquently said “Life is a self-organizing system, functioning irrespective of our resistance to it. This same force responsible for creating the cosmos has a good handle on the organization of the universe, given its 14 billion year history.”

That made me laugh!

I personally find it extremely comforting to know that I am a part of this energy and I can fire myself as the keeper of the Universe because that role is already taken…

We are all flowing with the great mystery of life and this mystery evokes change.

The Philosopher Heraclitus summed it up by saying “The only thing that is constant is change. You cannot step twice into the same river.”

Every moment our life is guiding us towards people, situations and opportunities that present the option for more aliveness, excitement, mystery and magic.

These opportunities come as a way for us to engage change both within ourselves and in our external world. 

Trust, Faith and Courage

Our Soul seeks expansion, growth and possibility.  Our ego – sameness and certainty.

These forks in the road (or choice points) test our trust, faith and courage.

Every time we say yes to the Unknown, we strengthen our sense of self and delight our Soul.

Every time we resist an opportunity for growth and expansion, we deny our expression and weaken our life force energy.

Over time, this can lead to depression and eventually physical health issues.

“To be human is to be ‘heart led’ and valiantly vulnerable; lion-hearted and confident in what can be offered to you and what you can give in return. Insecurity is something to absorb in order to progress; much of the adventure in life is the ‘not knowing’ of what is next, and it takes distinct bravery to get to a place where you are willing to be at ease with the mystery of what’s to come.”  – Christine Evangelou, Stardust and Star Jumps.

Yes, life can be challenging.

Mostly because we haven’t learned to surf the waves or figure out how to drop our agenda, control, arrogance and expectations.  We want everything to come with a guarantee. And we want it to be easy.

It is our resistance to the natural order of things that creates our problems.

If you really trusted that you wouldn’t fail – trusted yourself and trusted life – what new decisions would you make?

Do you have the courage to move into the unknown and trust that your higher self and life are giving you experiences that will strengthen you, expand you and awaken unknown parts within you?

It’s easy to say you have faith when things are flowing in a way you like.

What does your faith look like when the stream moves you to a different path and you find yourself in class 5 rapids?

Do you accuse the Divine of abandoning you? Do you throw temper tantrums like a small child?

Chaos Cycles

As a young person, I would reflect on the changes going on around me and wonder why people didn’t create lives that were stable, solid and resistant to being dismantled at some point along the way.

It seemed celebrities, athletes and even everyday people would amass success or wealth and then inevitably spin out of control just as they were reaching the summit.

Back then I didn’t understand life’s design or how Chaos Cycles are an inevitable part of being alive.

These cycles are meant to strip us of the false identities we have cemented ourselves to along the way and will place us in the Void where creation and new ways of being are birthed.

Chaos cycles can include a job loss, death of a loved one, divorce, health issue or financial crash.

Chaos brings change. If we didn’t have these cycles, we’d still be sitting in a cave clutching our limited ways of doing things…too fearful to take a risk and expand ourselves.

Collectively we also have larger Chaos cycles that we are a part of.

We are currently in one as life is moving our world towards oneness, unity and an increased need for sustainability while the powers that be dig deeper into patriarchy, dominance and control.

Ultimately life wins.  The Divine has a natural order to it.  Chaos is a necessary and important part of that order.

“Life is a good teacher and a good friend. Things are always in transition, if we could only realize it.” Pema Chodron

The good news is we can lighten our load in life by acknowledging the conflict happening within ourselves.  No one escapes this! It is very much a function of the human experience.

Surrendering to the flow with an open heart and grounding yourself in trust, faith and courage will make the ride less bumpy.

With a little practice, you’ll soon discover the magic in the mystery that’s been there all along.

1 thought on “Understanding Your Internal Conflict”

  1. So right and so helpful!

    A horrible duality that informs and misinforms us in many ways! We are our own worst enemy.

    To quote:

    If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.
    – Sun Tzu

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